Trees

You know...

I do live at times.. *sighs* and I miss my furry community.. I just wish I had all the money in the world to go visit my friends and to go to the Conventions and just be with you people.

I need lovings too. :(
Trees

Midwest Fur Fest..

:SighS: Turns out I may not be able to go... I'll still try and get there Saturday and Sunday, but for some reason our work is being evil and demanding that we work Friday even though they know I had plans and that they were already arranged. Stupid evil Toys R Us and their demands that 3rd Shift run the whole place with 4 people and if anything (god forbid) goes wrong durring the day we're to blame! :)

But then again, I did get this evil allergic reaction to something and it's been terrorizing my body like hell so it's probably a good thing if I don't go.. :sighs: Though I so want to go. I'll have to go get more meds before I go if I do, because this reaction has lasted almost a week and it won't go away! but if I take my meds like a good cat it doesn't itch and drive me nuts.. (And I don't turn OCD in my sleep and wake up to realize I've scratched a layer of skin off and am bleeding because of it... )

OCD isn't a happy thing at all.. no matter how you look at it.

Wish me luck on getting to MFF.. there are so many of you I want to go see and I nnnnneeeeeeeeeds to see. Merf. The roommate is going to be upset if I can't go, and my RL furrie friends.. and my online/old time fur friends too.. I hope everything clears up beforehand..
  • Current Music
    Meatloaf
Trees

We are Siamese if you please!

We are Siamese if you don't please.. er.. wait, I'm an ocelot. x.x

but my bebbie Sammykins is siameserish! And he'll be coming home to me soooon! As soon as I get the money to drive down to Bloomington and get him.. and visit friends too I guess. ;) I can't wait to have my bebbie to love on and hear him purr again. I miss my angelic demonic satancat.

What is the human obsession with seeing someone cry? Why would someone want to study the pain of another so closely..

If never I met you
I'd never had seen you cry
If not for the first "hello"
We'd never had to say good-bye
If never I held you
My feelin's would never show
It's time I start walkin'
But there's so much you'll never know
I keep tellin' you hard luck woman
You ain't a hard luck woman

Rags, the sailor's only daughter
A child of the water
Too proud to be a queen
Rags, I really love ya
I can't forget about you
You'll be a hard luck woman
Baby, 'til you find your man

Before I go let me kiss you
And wipe the tears from your eyes
I don't wanna hurt you girl
You know I could never lie
I keep tellin' you hard luck woman
You ain't a hard luck woman
You'll be a hard luck woman
Baby, 'til you find your man

Rags, the sailor's only daughter
A child of the water
Too proud to be a queen
Rags, I really love ya
I can't forget about you
You'll be a hard luck woman
Baby, 'til you find your man
You'll be a hard luck woman
Baby, 'til you find your man
  • Current Music
    Garth Brooks-Hard Luck Woman
Trees

Poor User Icon ran away..

My friend JamJam (Sexie Bebbie Jamie!) make me a user icon.. it's like Shannon on Acid.. but I can't find it. It makes me sad I can't find it because I loved it. Nor can I find the one DareDare made for me.. :( My poor Icons have ran away.

I'm so tired, worked 3rd shift today, slept through my Plasma donation appointment (and the lady was being a bitch and wouldn't reschedule me) So I have to wait til Thursday to put gas in my car, which means I'll be walking to work (3rd shift 10 pm-6 am) for the next 4 days. Oh well, walking is nice at times.

The roommate seems to have disappeared for the weekend.. x.X Well, yesterday.. and he still wasn't home when I got back from work this morning.. no sign still right now. I think I know where he went, but not positive. Rent is due today.. heh.. wonder wonder wonder if he remmebers this. SINCE I have no clue how we go about paying rent here (and since we just switched landlords) Oh well, we'll deal with it tomorrow I guess... since the roommate will probably show up right before he has to go to work.

Um... a tree fell on our house this weekend and the people are clearing it out right now.. so it's all loud and shit outside.. and knowing my luck they are going to cut it down all the way off the house and it's gonna eat my room or something.. while I'm asleep.

Hm.. nothing else going on, except for the obvious lack of me missing sleep right now.. I'll go check the mail them go pass out somes.. Buh-bye for now peoples. I have 5 more straight days of work, then a day off and 6 more days of work after that, so expect little of me... maybe huge weekly updates, but that's it.

Night night now!
  • Current Music
    Chainsaws buzzing and snarling.
Poem

I need a lover who can tame a wild mustang..

[stolen from myself, in my Pomamese journal, but everyone needs a few life lessons, so read if you havent' already, and look at your life.]

I do need to be loved though.. The one thing I'll always search for in vain. I need a man; not a boy. Someone who knows life, but isn't afraid to look through someone elses eyes and see something they never saw there before. I need something real, a love that's real, that I can touch, taste, live and breathe. I need a lover who's not afraid to learn, or afraid to teach. I need someone strong of will and mind, able to keep up with a hectic life but strong enough to slow me down when need be. I need a one on one commitment with no strings attached. Too bad I'll never find what I'm looking for.

Too bad I'm too strong willed, stubborn, proud.. too bad I've carved the image of perfection like a work of art, and everyone and everything is faced off against my(imaginary) perfect love, and everyone seems to crumble or drown. I crash through life and seem to leave the world burnt behind me. Then I stop and shift through the ashes, wondering what ever happened to those I loved or those who tried to love me. I feel like a tragic tale right out of mythology. Like the firelords and the mermaids who love them, but can never touch them. While one thinks the mermaids would devour the Firelords, it's the firelords that would destroy the mermaids. I feel like the Firelords, anyone who tries to hold me is burnt and broken in the end. Perhaps I was right from the start. I'm like trying to keep up with a wild mustang, always free, always wild, knowing that somewhere out there someone can tame me, but they have to find and be able to keep up with me.

Once I was told that anyone who crosses paths with me is going to be trapped in my life in one way or another.. I've been told my eyes can tangle someone up in my passions and pains. Everyone is wrapped up in my life, even if they don't wish to be, but I steal them away from their paradise and warp their worlds. Some think they can love me, others do love me, but not in the way I long to be loved... in the end I'll hurt each and everyone of them in one way or another.. some have already been wounded, but still linger, waiting for me it seems. Waiting for me to fault? To stumble? For my vain pride to crash and burn? Do they wait for the moment to slip into my world and tangle me up in prases and passions I can't understand in the panic of the moment.. or do they really want to show me who I really am.. who am I.. I need to know.

I envy you who have known and found their love. I envy you who have learned to savor the moments and who hold so strong to these things. Those of you.. who have loved in vain but remember still what a strong love was, and who can face the world strong and proud, and know you can love again. Please don't foresake the love others give you, because when you stop realizing how precious it is, you lose a part of you that you can never regain. Don't frget that love is an honor, not a gift. Remember from me, that you have so much more than what you think, if you have someone who loves you with their whole heart, if you have someone who cares so deeply for you, that they'd give their world for a moment fo your time. Don't foresake their love, stop and realize that it's something beyond all reasoning. That if you just look upon it as an everyday thing, then you begin to lose the faith in love.

"I wouldn't want to change any of that, atleast not now but that won't mean it won't hurt when I have to tell you goodbye. I don't want to lose you, not in anyway, but somethings are not able to be avoided. I'm jealous of those that know you; those that get to see you smile, see you cry, those that get to talk to you, share things with you, just have you in their daily lives. What I would give to have the same. and I bet some of the people who are allowed to know and see you like that take it for granted..."

Don't lose faith in everyday things you get to witness. Don't take it for granted that tomorrow you will still have that smile, those tears, that laughter, because it could faid away like ashes in the wind. Your whole world could crumble into the ocean leaving you to shift through the remains and try and put your world back together. What happens when you realize you can't though, when you realize you're what's wrong with your life, your love. How can someone love so strong, love so deep, but yet so selfishly destroy the angels in your life..

The Maker is a cruel creator to befoul life with the pains that are imposed on this race. How can we be this way, how can we know what love is, yet strike out at those we love so true. Everything in life is a reminder of the love one once knew. Original Sin wasnt' the tempting of Eve, original Sin was when one realized that they can feel pain, that they can feel desire, that they can love another, who may not even know they exist. ORiginal Sin is society who divides life, love and desire into social groups, and it's thought forbidden to try and pass off as what you are not. and the social gatherings where we're all taught that the rank of society will keep us from loving outside our norms. I can't be loved inside my own norm, so what was the purpose of love again? This creator, this maker, whoever it may be has many questions to answer for me when I stand outside those gates just for a glimpse of a city I know I'll never belong to.

Maybe I was made to defy these things; I know I may be strong enough to; can I trick the world into loving a beauty within, can I trust them to look past the framework and see the fine details craved into my very being. Will I still be wild and free, or will I be broken and bent by the time the one I've waited on these years picks me back up again and tames my soul; or perhaps this one I wait for wasnt' meant to tame me, but run as my equal; but could two so strongwilled live at peace with eachother, or am I looking for the crosswalk of light and dark, because I don't know which I am anymore...
  • Current Music
    Ocean Gypsy-Blackmore's Night
Poem

Fairly smooth runnings..

Things here have been running fairly smooth, there's been a few bumps and scraps, but mostly not concerning myself and the roommate(SpiritWolf) mostly just me.. and old friends...friends.. and.. eh.. memories.

I'm completely moved in here now, even got my job and everything seems to be happy, I just don't feel like dealing with friends rumbling about at this time. sortof awkward right now to me.. I'm being antisocial. meh. I think I might cancel the get together Friday to another day.. it's just.. not a happy feeling right now to be getting drunk, even if I can. I don't think I'd be a very happy drunk tomorrow with Ken, Nevada and Tierra.. nothing against them, I just can feel this looming over me already.. and I don't want everyone to be all happy and bouncy and all of a sudden I spaz out and start falling into a down. I was out of my down mood til I woke up this afternoon, or maybe when I went to bed this morning... but it's back again.. I should go.. walk.. or something. Don't know.

Sleeping pills didn't make it to where I didn't dream last night.. had dreams again.. I hate when I dream.. because.. they are never happy dreams anymore.. fearing sleep can't be good.
  • Current Music
    Vertical Horizon
Poem

Yay!

Yay! FoxyblkWolf is gonna visit me! ^-^ well, Spirit Wolf to us. :)
  • Current Music
    My Radio station.
Trees

Email Addresses.

3 Most Checked Accounts.

aazie03 @hotmail.com
pomamese @hotmail.com
shall17 @cpmail.ivytech.edu

-----others-----
aazie @email.com
kykuvia @email.com
petz3_ @yahoo.com
spamcat03 @yahoo.com
kykuvia @lionking.org

There's more.. just can't remember.
  • Current Music
    Springsteen-The River
Trees

Gimmie...

Gimmie more furs in Indiana to add to my list.. :D

Vodka isn't my friend anymore. Boones Farm is now.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed